CALL 911, HE'S LAZY!

GRANDPA CALLS 911 TO REPORT THAT HIS GRANDSON IS LAZY AND PLAYS COMPUTER GAMES ALL DAY! I'm sure the police had nothing better to do!

ANOTHER MOTHER-OF-THE-YEAR CONTESTANT!

MOM SUFFOCATES NEWBORN AND DISPOSES OF BABY IN PLASTIC BAG SO BOYFRIEND WON'T DUMP HER! Well, if he was going to dump you....

SAYING GOODBYE TO THE 4TH AMENDMENT!

FEDERAL COURT RULES THAT DRIVING WITH HANDS AT 10-AND-2, TAKING A SCENIC ROUTE AND ACNE ARE REASON TO STOP YOU! Our Founding Fathers are weeping!

WRONGLY ACCUSED ON DEATH ROW?

A NEW STUDY FUNDS THAT, CONSERVATIVELY, OVER 4% OF THE INMATES ON DEATH ROW ARE INNOCENT! Another reason the death penalty must go!

A KKK HYPOCRITE?

THE KKK GRANDMASTER ACCUSED OF KILLING 3 AT JEWISH CENTER, PREVIOUSLY ARRESTED WITH BLACK TRANSVESTITE HOOKER! Nothing more to say!

A NEW LOW!

AN OHIO WOMAN CAUGHT ON VIDEO STEALING A STUFFED ANIMAL FROM A CHILD'S GRAVESITE! You know what they say about karma!

PARENTS OF THE YEAR CONTESTANTS!

PARENTS LEAVE A SEMI-AUTOMATIC PISTOL UNLOCKED AND 13-YEAR-OLD BOY BRINGS IT TO SCHOOL! Has anyone heard of firearm safety?

NAKED CRIMES, HIDDEN GUNS!

A TENNESSEE GIRL ARRESTED FOR DRIVING ON A SUSPENDED LICENSE IS FOUND TO HAVE A LOADED FIREARM IN HER... YEP, VAGINA! She must have just forgot!

DUMB CRIMINALS!

A GEORGIA SEX OFFENDER TRAVELS TO COLORADO, WHILE ON AN ANKLE BRACELET, TO MEET AN UNDERAGE GIRL! Stupid is as stupid does!

DUMB CRIMINALS!

A MAN NAMED "COCAINE" BUSTED ON NARCOTICS CHARGE IN FLORIDA! The poor guy never had a chance!

SICK, DISGUSTING, NAKED CRIMES!

ARKANSAS MAN FILMS HIMSELF RAPING A 2-YEAR-OLD! Stupid, sick, disgusting.... OK, i vomitted!

NAKED DOCTOR CRIMES!

AN ARKANSAS GYNECOLOGIST IS ACCUSED OF TAKING NUDE PHOTOS OF HIS PATIENTS! Naked crimes never stop!

NAKED CRIMES RETURN!

A PANTSLESS FLORIDA WOMAN STEALS 2 BOXES OF WINE! Oh yah, Florida + boxed wine = nothing unusual about being pantsless!

DON'T STEAL! (ESPECIALLY IN BOLIVIA)

AMAZON VILLAGERS TIE 2 MOTORCYCLE THIEVES TO POISONOUS, FIRE-ANT INFESTED TREE AS PUNISHMENT! I'm itching just thinking about it!

"I AM A BULLY" SIGN AS PART OF SENTENCE!

AN OHIO MAN WHO PLED GUILTY TO DISORDERLY CONDUCT FOR BULLYING DISABLED CHILDREN IS SENTENCED TO CARRY SIGN! This guy needs to get a life!

MODEL DEMANDS SEX AT KNIFEPOINT!

ROMANIAN MODEL FORCES CABBIE INTO HER APARTMENT FOR SEX AT KNIFEPOINT AND THEN STABS HIM WHEN HE COULDN'T PERFORM THE 2ND TIME! But she was on meds!

NAKED NATIONAL PARK CRIMES!

A MAN STOPS HIS YOGA POSE, AND DROPS HIS PANTS TO BEGIN MASTURBATING AS TWO WOMEN STROLL BY! Now faces federal indecency charges!

WHAT NOT TO WEAR IF YOU DRINK AND DRIVE!

AN OREGON MAN INVESTIGATED FOR DUI IS WEARING A "DRUNK AS SH%T" T-SHIRT! You can't fix stupid!

NAKED CRIMES!

TOPLESS WOMAN RANSACKS A McDONALD'S AFTER EMPLOYEE REFUSES ORAL SEX, AND THEN FIGHTS OFF OFFICERS WITH LICKS AND KISSES! Bath Salts return?

DUMB CRIMINALS!

WOMAN CALLS POLICE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT A BAD BATCH OF MARIJUANA HER DEALER WOULD NOT REFUND! Should have bought the extended warranty!

NAKED COWBOY CRIMES!

A MAN BREAKS INTO A HOME WEARING ONLY A COWBOY HAT, HAS A BEER, LISTENS TO MUSIC, AND IS LATER ARRESTED! Definitely a free spirit!